The art of gift giving is not something that’s learned. It is a gift. We like gifting, regifting, degifting. We were given the gift of gift giving. As t’is the season, our gift to you: gift suggestions to make the season easier and merrier.
Native wannabe: An Indian name and perform a ceremony for them. A suggestion: Stands With Head in Clouds, or Talks with Funny Accent
Person who just got out of treatment Chicken Soup for the Recovering Addicts Soul
Just dumped friend: Blind date
Student: Care package with soap, toilet paper, canned goods, toothpaste, condoms, etc
Colleague at work you don’t like but have to buy for anyway: Box of chocolates – get ’em early when they’re on special at Jean Coutu. Woohoo!
Person you just dumped but want to stay friends with: You don’t want to spend TOO much money. Ten dollars is a good limit to set, just a little something to stay on their good side but that they won’t read anything more into it – a gift certificate to the movies
Person who just dumped you: You wanna win them back. This one will cost just a bit more money – a trip for two to that tropical island all-inclusive getaway, with your name on one of the tickets.
You want revenge: Photo album with copies of all those compromising photos you have been saving, to remind them you’ve got the goods on them and you ain’t about to let go just yet
Relieved to finally be out of the relationship: You don’t want them to know how happy you are. Get them a cheesy wall plaque saying, “If you love someone, set them free blahblahblah.”
Upstairs neighbour you borrow sugar from: You don’t really know them and can’t spend too much money since you have to buy for all of the above, but want to stay on their good side (your phone was just cut off). A Christmas card with a $10 certificate to the gas station will do.
Comer store guy: Very friendly, always makes boring conversation – a book of crossword puzzles to while away the hours between customers.
Newlyweds: Not a toaster, they have seven and will be giving you one. Opt for the unusual – something to brighten up their new love nest Chinese paper lanterns offers soft lighting and atmosphere for those first-time tender moments, during that all-too-brief honeymoon stage of marriage.
Person you have a crush on: You can’t be too obvious, while still sending a clear signal that you are available. A photo of you shot from your good side when you were 10 pounds lighter, just to show them your potential.
In-laws to be: You want to impress them. Money is no object A high-definition stereo TV set with all the fixin’s, if you can afford it It’s smooth sailing from here.
The nudist: Forget clothing. That includes socks, lingerie. suspenders, ties and hats. Instead, help them out by offering them home hair-removal products.
Plumber: A belt or a tuck-in shirt Need we say more?
Passionate artist Chocolate body paint so they can practice their technique on their muse of the hour.
Musician: Sheet music, guitar picks, metronome, anything to do with music. The’re usually the easiest to buy for.
Shopaholic: Impossible to shop for. Study them throughout the year and pick up on their shopping tastes and patterns. Get them one item in every available colour. Keep the receipt – they’ll probably return it.
Phone addict: Long-distance phone cards. If you’re particularly close to them, get them a headset adapter for their phone. Those look SOOOO cool.
Bookworm: Bookmark, itty bitty book light, bookends, subscription to book dub, magazine, or books on tape.
Hunter: Night vision binoculars so they never have to give up.
The separatist: Canadian flag just to nib it in. Or
Coffee drinker: Coffee grinder, obviously. Or a pound of Kenyan. It’s the best out there.
Smoker: A cigarette holder. Or Topol, the smoker’s toothpaste. Or a carton of cigarettes if you can’t be bothered.
Person who just quit smoking: Gum, candies, Nicorettes, a jar full of old stinky butts to remind them of what the/re missing.
Mother: Something to treat herself after treating you for all these years. A nice gift basket filled with chocolates, cheese, jams, various confections, bath oils, lotions, soaps, wine, perfume, etc. Use your imagination.
Father: A bottle of cologne that your mother especially likes. A bottle of expensive liqueur always brings a smile.
Squeegee punk: Money.
Landlord: Last month’s rent Or rent a week in advance, depending on your finances.
Religious person: Two slabs of stone with the 10 Commandments engraved on them.
Disorganized person: A datebook, a bulletin board, filing system, a divider for their closet, desk, kitchen, etc.
Sweet tooth: Box of Belgium’s finest chocolates or on a more domestic note, the most sugar-laden dessert recipe in your collection.
Computer nerd: Biography of Bill Gates, any gadgets that apply – CD roms, mousepad, etc.
Weird guy who talks to you all the time: Don’t give him anything – you’ll just encourage him.
Ex-wife: A cheap unflattering outfit several years behind in fashion to torment her more. Tell her she’ll look great.
Ex-husband: A boudoir portrait of the new and improved you since the split……