(For those who have loved and lost)

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

2. Remember that the idiot you are with determines your reputation.

3. Don’t believe you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers.

4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Lock the door behind him.

5. So many men — so many reasons NOT to sleep with any of them.

6. If they can put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.

7. Tell him you’re not his type — you have a pulse.

8. Never let your man’s mind wander. It’s too little to be out alone.

9. The only reason men are on this planet is cats can’t dance or buy drinks.

10. When he asks if he’s your first, tell him, “You may be. You look familiar.”

11. You might as well go for younger men. He will never mature.

12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.

13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

15. Women don’t make fools of men; most men are the do-it-yourself type.

16. The best way to get a man to do anything: suggest they may be too old for it.

17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!

18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years, proving even in biblical times men wouldn’t ask for directions.

20. If he asks what sort of books you like, tell him cheque books.

21. A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually. “Oh all right. I’ll stay the night.”

22. Don’t sleep with men who, if they were women, you wouldn’t even bother to have lunch with.

23. Remember, a sense of humor doesn’t mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.

24. When he asks you if you’re faking it, tell him no, you’re just practicing.

25. Just remember, all men are created equal