Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group and discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed — and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swiped-Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. (We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.)
Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from ones workplace.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. (Ask Larry; he’s the alpha geek around here.)
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department in the near future.
GOOD Job: A Get-Out-Of-Debt job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts but plan to quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but that you find yourself unable to stop watching. The Elian spectacle is a prime example.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.
Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing firm. (You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance.) See
Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: (We owe $10 each, but all anybody’s got is yuppie food stamps.)