Top 10 Ways things would be different if Santa were Indian
10. At bedtime, kids would leave Cornsoup and frybread for the big guy
9. He would be wearing a red turtleneck to hide his hickeys
8. Santa’s new moccasins are made out of Dasher
7. Santa has to take out a billion dollar pre-Xmas tide over loan at a bordertown bank
6. Five pound block of cheese under every tree
5. His elves would never show up for work on Friday’s and sometimes Monday’s
4. The sleigh would need a boost every other state
3. His outfit would consist of a red flannel ribbon shirt, with matching leggings, moccasins and beaded black belt with matching beaded rimmed hat, all to match his oversized beaded gift bag. And underneath would be a beaded thong with a small delicate plume attached to the back
2. Indian preference would require you to hire all Hopi’s to fit in those teeny tiny elf outfits
1. According to Indian time, our gifts would arrive in February.
We meant to put this in at Xmas but you know Indian time
TOP TEN REASONS TO BE AMERICAN INDIAN
1. You can point with your lips and give your fingers a rest.
2. You’ll never be alone because everyone is related to you.
3. You’ll never starve because there is always a feast of somekind, somewhere, at any time.
4. We are the only ones who can save the rain forests with our dances.
5. You’ll alway’s know the first letter of the alphabet (Ayyyvy).
6. If you know how to “stomp” you’ll always have a “snag”.
7. Because Indians are just…somehow.
8. You can recognize the Indian Affairs dentures in Dances with Wolves.
9. You’ll never need lotion when you have a greasy frybread.
10. Because “you just need one more number to cry out ‘BINGO’.”