I thought May was bad for heat, reaching 28 Celsius, until the other day, I felt like I was blow-dried on high when I went for a so-called cool ride in the breeze. The wind, imported directly from the Arizona desert, tortured my now blistered red skin with constant burning sensations, eased only by an indoor stay or rare shadow and I wondered if it would get worse. It did, my lamenting for summer days and bearable weather broke at 39 degrees as the fanned indoor air in my sub-basement with duct taped windows barely dried the sweat clinging to my arm hairs. Ah… if I only knew how to swim… Then inspiration led me to the hardware department and I bought a nozzle for the hose I thought I would never use.

The first spray of cold water arched into the arid air and instantly attracted hordes of screaming children from the neighbourhood, which of course, attracted the attention of the nosy bodies in the neighbourhood who quickly spread the word about town in about two minutes. After a drop of hydrogen and a few of oxygen, I ventured back to my hole in the basement. Six hours later, the last child left due to extreme exposure to the cold frigid waters of the deep well and clouds blew over the sun, creating an instant fog out of the blue.

Summer was back to its grey doldrums and a collective sigh of relief was heard throughout town. Gone were the skimpy clothes and back were the sweaters, all generating a general cry of woe from testosterone-speedo clad, sun-burnt bathers. All is not fair, cried the male population. I agreed. Weather should be predictable and easy to understand.

On another note, bears have been out from their hibernation for some time now. With limited food supply and berries still not ready, they are coming closer to town foraging for food. Normally, the bears are curious animals and will look for food anywhere. Recently, a lone bear was sighted bemoaning the plastic pail stuck to his head and causing a general ruckus near my community, making life a little more comical.

That reminds me of another time on the James Bay highway when I was held hostage by a hungry bear that had got a whiff of the grease burger I left on the passenger seat. I had taken a call of nature and had just ventured out of the highway-side outhouse when the angry attacking bear forced me back in. I, worried of course for the paint and material of the rented vehicle, tried to scare off the animal. Only after a few quick gulps, wrapping paper and all, did I claim back my throne on wheels. We (animal and I) left tracks that I’m sure will still be there in some petrified state, studied by palaeontologists and badly interpreted, to be ridiculed for millions of years by the future human races.

Other than a few weeks of gorgeous weather and heat enough to appease everyone, life continues to re-adjust to normal conditions and talk is beginning to shift back to a normal wide-eyed view of the world, instead of blurred-squinting and lack-of-sleep looks that everyone had on their near black faces, where tan lines are compared to as battle wounds and forever scarred in everyone’s memory. The funny thing is that summer is just beginning – will the solar madness continue?