People deserve the politicians they elect

It’s election year for the Cree Nation(s). People who are interested in such things have been wondering who’s in the running this year. Is Matthew Coon Come running again? Does he have the desire? Is Kenny Blacksmith already positioning himself? He’s been extremely vocal of late. The sure sign of an ambitious politician. Is Violet Pachanos going for a third position, Chief of Chisasibi, Deputy Grand Chief and(!)… GRAND CHIEF?!? People are already grumbling about her being Deputy to Dr. Coon Come, Chief of the Chisasibiites, and being a signatory to that controversial letter giving lip-licking, come-hither looks to Hydro. She’s Wonder Woman if she can pull it off. And what of Rockin’ Roderick Pachanos? He’s got nothing to lose politically after that Bored of Constipation fiasco.

How about Matthew Mukash? The scourge of Hydro-Quebec. He should definitely run. How about Billy Diamond? The former scourge of Hydro-Quebec. I hear his 25 terms have come to their limit and he won’t be able to run for his own community again. But who knows, right? He might find a loophole somewhere. Failing that, who will take his place and will he run for Grand Chief? And what of Wemindji’s hometown favourite, 20-something-odd years-running Walter Hughboy? Is there no limit to this boy’s stamina?

What will happen in Ouje-Bougoumou? Oh, I forgot, they had two elections in the space of about four hours not long ago and violently ousted the lovely and sexy Louise Wapachee. Eastmain, I hear, also has an election coming up. The very popular man of the people styled Chief Kenneth Gilpin of Eastmain will probably run again. He was in an electioneering mood when I was there two days ago. There was a young guy who approached me and said he might be running. But he recanted about an hour later. Who knows, he made change his mind and decide to run against him. My prayers and expertise will be with him.

And who could forget the lovely and talented but totally unsexy John Kitchen. I hear he’s got two candidates to worry about this year. It’s only rumour at this point but the two secret candidates are former Cree School Board Chairman Paul Gull and former… I don’t know… Claude Otter. And from the where are they now and will they run for Grand Chief files: What will former Youth Grand Chief Bertie Wapachee do? Will he grab the moose by the horns and crawl his way up to where the big (no fat chief joke intended here) boys play? The latest word on Bertie is that he is now chairman of the Cree Board of Health and Social Services of James Bay. Better known as CBHSSJB or something like that. But don’t take my word for it. I just heard it from our office where everybody’s running around trying to put this baby out.

How could I put former Chief… has he been given his honorary Doctorate yet?… Abel Bosum at the bottom of this list? What’s this National Aboriginal Achievement Award recipient going to do? The rumours last election was that he was very sneakily waiting for the National Chief position. Last and hopefully not least, what about last Grand Chief election’s Dark Horse candidate, Neil Diamond. What’s he going to do? Has he been embarrassed out of politics by his three percent showing? Time will tell. Time will tell.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in band offices, by water coolers, airport terminal, Sheraton Centre conference rooms, expensive strip joints and wherever it is politicians gather.