No, the photograph of yours truly in the last Rez Notes was not a reaction upon hearing I had to go back to Ojay. And no, I was not intoxicated. Nor was I stoned out of my skull. It’s just the way I always look before I start writing this crap. As you can see, I’m in perpetual need of a vacation. Let’s never mind that for now. That’s a subject for me and my doctors.

The same type of lights (UFOs) that were spotted in Fort Resolution, NWT (Fort Rez… no relation -Ed.) weeks ago were also spotted across the river from Waskaganish by reputable ladies. A learned Native explained them as “metaphysical, supernatural, paranormal, not from outer space…” I kid you not.

“People are afraid!” our man in Nemaska reports. Afraid they’ll have to change their wardrobes. A weight loss competition is under way and the penalty for any weight gain is ten dollars a pound. Any overweight citizen is free to enter.

The Montreal Alouettes are off to an awful start in the Canadian (Canadien?) Football League. They drafted a player who is no longer with us here on Earth. Awful, awful.

Mother’s Day is upon us again and once again we aim to capitalize on it. Send us your stories, poems and classifieds for your muddahs. The deadline has been set at April 20,1996. Send your stuff in before said date or suffer the consequences.

Calling all male Cree beneficiaries of voting age! Send us your votes for the first annual Cutest Girl (Or Woman) In The Cree Nation contest. Your nominee must fulfill the following requirements: She must be Cree and possess an ample amount of “cuteness.” Actually, there’s nothing standing in the way of anybody being nominated. The only real prerequisite is being female. My vote has been cast. But, unfortunately, it don’t count. It’s just as well, my betrothed would surely maim me for life.

Will Nicholls’s story on Stacey and Alfred, Kahnawake’s rebel cigarette merchants, is getting a lot of attention in the rez. Check out previous issues of The Nation for the facts. Did I mention The Nation won several awards? (two actually, but who’s counting? -Ed.)

The Cree Nation leadership has convened, at the time of this writing, in Waskaganish to discuss this year’s goose hunt. Also on the agenda is moose hunting and trapping. Will we have our sigabon this year? Check out page 20 for answers this issue.

Gentle readers of The Nation Enquirer’s classifieds. I am addressing thee and thee alone. If thou hasn’t seen thine most heartfelt messages to thine cherished ones, fret thee not. Thine proclamations will appear. Oh yes, they will appear. A few words of guidance when entering said messages. Leave spaces between the words and and be concise. No more “I would like to…” or “I wanna…” I think your addressees will figure out that you “would like to” or that you “wanna”. Believe me, I would like ta too… Another item my humble editor just pointed out to me is the always popular “one night stand” requests. We do not condone, endorse, nor practice such strenuous extracurricular activities. Unless, of course, they are insisted upon.