Imagine you and your significant partner with a dozen other couples stranded on a deserted island with only your wits and piety to preserve yourself and your sanities. This sounds like Temptation Island to me and guess what. Crees and many other indigenous peoples around the world have been in this situation for many centuries! This type of scenario is old hat for us kind folks and the idea of being stranded does not seem to imply that all kinds of shenanigans could happen the moment your back is turned on your partner or on you for that matter. Perhaps it’s the level of danger such as scorpions and sharks and other dangerous animals, but heck, the only real danger is infidelity (even though in the real show everyone’s single).

Imagine, creating our own show with the participants stranded on one of our own disputed offshore islands. What kind of temptations could occur? Hey, that’s my fish you’re chomping on or, care for some muktuk anyone? How about fresh mussels or seagull egg h’or d’oeuvres. I think that the lucky survivors would probably gain weight and come back healthier than when they first embarked out to the semi-frigid open waters of James Bay.

The only real dangers would be in the occasional marauding polar bear or upset arctic tern but I could see people becoming light-headed after losing a few pints of blood to the few million voracious black flies and mosquitoes that tend to come out on nice days. Everyone could help to shape a raft out of all the driftwood and sail anywhere they want but who would want to leave paradise?

Perhaps it’s the thing of the day when people seem to get off on voyeurism and betting who’s going to sleep with who and who will retaliate in return? Indigenous people have been doing this living in harmony stuff since time immemorial and only when the missionaries and religion came by (and the standard proper position) did people realize that they had it good in the old days.

If pious standards got in the way of television when it was first invented, there would be no more soap operas to drool over, just all my congregation quietly minding their own business. Hoooweee, what would we do during those long day lit hours when washing dishes or doing laundry just doesn’t cut it in the excitement field. Even BINGO would seem hazardous to your state of mind and pocketbook and quite sinful I must add.

We should also have some kind of show like Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. Can you imagine the topics? He slept by himself last night in the tent leaving me home alone. What did he do for excitement? People could fight over who shot that lone goose during the spring, on stage, no less. Or…how about, he’d rather be with his hunting companions with me, what does go on in that blind of theirs? Or age old mystery topics like, why do women always go to the bathroom or outhouse in pairs…what do they do or talk about? Find out live on stage on the Cree Funny Business show, coming to a TV screen in your home.

It’s funny how we tend to (as good people) relish in the thought of your neighbour being naughtier than you, but secretly wish that it was you who was in the limelight and the topic at the tip of everyone’s tongue. I think that we could have a field day with the shenanigans of our local and regional politicians and have everything bared out in the open, live on TV. I’m sure there would be quite a few expletives to lend to the titillation and humility one must bear when the barbs come out, especially from that nice girl (or man) who claimed to be the lover or girlfriend (boyfriend) of Mr.You Know Who. And was dumped after the meeting was over.

I wanna be a bouncer on one of those shows or stranded on an island where I could show off my survival skills. No one’s gonna boot me off and get away with it. Viva trash videos, man. It’s the wave of the future.