I happen to live in Whapmagoostui, were the weather is harsh at many times and fair on a few. The community depends on its resources and when those resources are down, times get even tougher. For example, just around Halloween last year, the power generating station caught fire and for several cold days, we all toughed it out with wood and plain old body heat. We are tough, and these type of situations just breed tougher people, besides, we were used to it, it had been at least the second time the station caught on fire.

At an earlier time, we actually had a forest fire across the river, but that is another story of trying times. This time around, we have to live in fear that we will have no long distance service, as the communication tower is precariously wavering in the strong north west winds. This calamity could have longer and much more far reaching consequences, for example: We cannot access our accounts at the bank nor make direct payments, so we cannot buy goodies like pop and cigarettes.

We will not make our satellite receivers call for that late night blue movie, since it has to dial up first.

Internet service will take the longest time ever to transmit anything, breaking all records, and for the first time ever, Canada Post mail service will actually be faster.

Family members in the south will not be able to constantly call us for money.

Long distance charges will drop dramatically, enabling many customers to finally afford that big skidoo they always wanted.

We will not be even able to call to complain to Ma Bell as all lines of communication will be down.

We will only be passive observers of the old tower when it comes down.

Speaking of towers coming down, the famous “stooge” tower (just outside of Whapmagoostui) owned by Bell Canada,


will actually have to come down with a little assistance from demolitions experts and a spectacular show with standing room only from a distance of two miles will be within a week of this writing! Speaking of long distance calls, Neil Diamond calls me with his voice wavering and lips trembling ( I can just imagine that), telling me that the Fab Four who does production for the famous Rezolution Pictures International, have be whittled down to the Thrilling Three, who is just less one outstanding soundman, me. “Are you coming back?,” he cries.

“Only during the coldest months of the year” I reply.

“We’ll double your salary” he replies without a blink of the eye and with steel cold precision, tells me that I have a future in the movie making business and that the credits with my name on it at the end of the feature will take five minutes before another name pops up. Might as well call it SO Productions. I queried Neil Diamond to see if there were any other special effects that may be needed for the next shooting of the series, since I kind of liked blowing up objects and creating large black clouds of billowing smoke. Perhaps, he replies, perhaps. I’ll see if I can pull some strings at the top of the company and maybe, just maybe, you can use forty five gallons of highly explosive stuff.

“O.K. It’s a deal” I’ll blow up anything at this time just for an A rating and my rep as a pyrotechnic type of guy will soar. See you in December, Neil Diamond and the other 2 dudes.