It’s probably just a rumour that the devil himself was witnessed a while back walking into the hottest, so to speak, night spot in Chibougamau ordering a drink and proceeding to walk through a wall with his demonic tail disappearing. Good for him. I’ve been there. I was heading there with a friend in a cab. Our driver was speeding for some reason known only to him and ran a red light. The cops gave chase. He stopped in front of the place in question. We got out with the cops’ lights flashing behind us. Someone, the coatcheck girl, actually thought we were Somebody.
Now why would the devil want go to Chibougamau? You’d think he would go someplace more glamourous like, say, New York or Val d’Or. If I was the devil you’d never catch me anywhere near Chibougamau. The great Erland S. Campbell tells us that the devil was also spotted in a Northern Manitoba Indian bar buyingdrinks for one of Erland’s friends. Erland never lies.
– It’s probably not a just rumor though that the great chef Jean Cuisine got a black eye for Christmas from one of his loved ones following a violent scuffle at a staff party, say our beloved sources in the Cuisine camp.
– Dr. Billy Diamond was overheard saying that Waskaganish willgetan access road sometime this year.He is also reported to have said that he will “let” Matthew Coon Come and maybe the federal TransportMinister announce it before the whole world for “brownie points.” The road will
cost a measly 37 million and will probably be manned by armed security personel 24 hours a day.
– Hydro-Quebec will be licking its wounds for some time thanks to “The Great Ice Storm of 98.” People back home were of course completely unaffected by the storm and had a good laugh at HQ’s expense. One guy said he was going to call HQ’s HQ to taunt, “See?, See??” The great storm also confirmed to the more militant-minded Crees just how vulnerable the Evil Empire can be.
– There was another UFO sighting near the LG-1 dam overthe holidays. Two young Crees were in their car near the river when they saw a multicoloured light hovering above the river. More details in a future instalment.
– The Portage is a new magazine published in Waskaganish. The fax says that it will publish nothing but positive stories and that its mission is to “build up rather than tear down. To create rather than destroy. To be positive when others are negative. To provide hope when it seems there is none.” Good for them. We’ll handle all the bad news. Our mission? To tear down, then build up. To create and destroy. To be negative when others are too positive.
– A message to you from my higher-ups: Send in your “love messages and love stories” forValentine’s Day. Deadline for the special Valentine’s Issue: Jan. 20. Get on it quick!
