It is not the Nation’s standard policy, nor that of most newsmagazines, to reply to letters, whether they are critical or full of praise. But whoever accused The Nation of being your run-of-the-mill newsmagazine. So in this case we decided to make yet another exception and answer the letter’s questions, clarify some points and put everyone at ease. (See letter on page 9.)
You ask us where, oh where the Millennium Issue we threatened to publish is. Rest assured our… correction… your millennium issue is on its way and is it ever going to be a doozie. It’ll have everything you mentioned and more.
It’ll have your Cree history, your profiles of well-known and not-so-well-known Crees, your never-before-published pictures galore in glorious technicolor and black and white, your crazy scratch-and-sniff ads, tear-out pages for your bedroom walls, maps, a where-are-they-today section, Native heroes, the best stories so far published in these very pages, legends, maybe a centrefold or two, and other eye and ear-catching surprises.
As for the GCCQ ads about “nothing”, they should be applauded for their efforts in reaching out to the public. Besides, advertisements are our bread and butter. Otherwise we’d have to sell the paper instead of giving it away like we do.
I know, I know. It sounds like a lot. That’s because it is a lot. The great thing is we still sit around late at night trying to think of more and more items to cram in there. There is not a day that goes by when we don’t ask ourselves, what else? what else?
But some of us do have other lives other than The Nation (hard to believe isn’t it?) Which is probably the reason why you felt that those previous issues weren’t journalistic masterpieces. You yourself probably know all too well how difficult it is to create a masterpiece 26 times a year with looming deadlines.
I imagine it’s also pretty hard to create one once a millennium. Anyone could argue, but Michelangelo himself only managed only two masterpieces in the last millennium. The Sistine Chapel’s ceiling and the pathetically endowed “David.”
My point is: masterpieces are pretty hard to come by. In any millennium. Which is probably why they got that name, Masterpiece. Imagine, if you will, if masterpieces were as easy to come by as… oh, I don’t know… the classifieds? – what would we call truly great creations? I don’t know either.
But there are a few things I do know. I know for instance that, yes, the millennium issue will be published sometime this millennium and it just might be our one and only millennial masterpiece. You can’t wait can you?
Finally, your requests for predictions on Superman, Michael, Elvis, La Toya, Britney and, last but not least, the Antichrist cannot be ignored.
Superman will lose the ability to fly and change his name to Superman, dress all in black, leather cape and all, and front a German New Wave band.
Michael will not come out, yet. Instead, he will seek out the author of this letter and beg to bear her children.
La Toya will live one of the those forgotten lives. Indeed, it’s already beginning. When people bring up her name in polite company, they will be told: La Toya!? She is soooo 2nd millennium.
Young Britney will see the error of her ways and headline a tour with La Toya (eeek) to raise funds for victims of silicon implants. Fake Boobs Aid.
Elvis will see the error of his ways and stop showing up lousily disguised in hick American fast food joints. He will then write a tell-all book and reveal to us, finally and on page 666, the name of the Beast.