I ought to have been whipped and beaten for being so derelict in my duties to you, John and Joan Cree Public, these past few issues. I admit it Rez Notes sucked. Why? It’s personal. Very personal actually. It’s so personal I don’t even know why I brought it up. Maybe it’s just a cry for help. Anyway, we must forge ahead and tell those stories that need to be told. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.

We have shocking stories from the city’s news pages. This one comes to us from Edmonton where a man was necking with his chick when she suddenly turned on him and bit off his tongue and flushed it down the toilet. He ran from his home bleeding and the authorities were called. Surgeons and speech therapists are hopeful, though, that the poor man can learn to speak and will have to use new eating methods.

A nine-year-old girl and her sisters ended up behind bars for stealing $10,000 from a bank vault in Spain not too long ago. The young girl’s sisters distracted bank employees while she slipped into the vault and grabbed the money. Fortunately Spanish authorities have not yet recovered the cash.

If you’re going to be in Montreal to do your Christmas shopping check out Native Solidarity News Tuesday from 6 to 7 p.m. on CKUT at 90.3 FM. CKUT is McGill’s student-run radio station.

Remember that recording by Cree youth that was supposed to be released months ago? I just found out that, yes, it will hit store shelves very, very soon. But don’t tell anybody just yet. It’s supposed to be a secret.

A note was left on the bulletin board for us by Deantha Edmunds informing us of a logo competition for the Ojay-owned Polaris franchise in Chibougamau. Call Pierre Michaud at (418) 748-3366. Who knows, maybe the first prize will be a new snowmachine.

The Nation-slash-Cree School Board Hallowe’en party is on tomorrow. I am sure to win for scariest costume when I go dressed as Erland S. Campbell of HEATT! Everybody’s been talking about nothing else around the office these past few weeks. Look on this page next issue for the story and photos.

Look out for this year’s version of The Nation calendar featuring Crees from all walks of life. It should be out before Christmas. “It’ll even better than last year’s!” exclaimed calendar artiste Rhonda Rue.

Our roving operative reports that the fine people in a small Cuban town don’t have toilet paper so they felt free to use instead pages from The Nation. Someone, please, send them a gift subscription of the New York Times before they commit more sacrilege.

Post-Communist Romanians too poor to die, screams a headline from Reuter News. Many, the article reads, can’t afford proper burials and their “only hope is to pray for as long a life as possible.”

We have good news for them from jolly old England though where Doomsday has been postponed. It will now be on November 4. This should be today for most of you. So, goodbye.

…This just in, 45 minutes after the printer was supposed to arrive (where is he?!) Late-breaking news from Dorval Airport, where Will is waiting for his flight with some European politicians to Eeyou Astchee. We are told that Canada has just made an important declaration at the UN earlier today. It’s probably on TV as we speak. Crees have been recognized as a “peoples,” as opposed to a “people.” Canada now officially recognizes the Cree right to self-determination and to live happily ever after.
Neil Diamond