“How’s Rez Notes?” I am frequently asked that question. The question before that used to be, “Is there gonna be a Rez Notes this issue?” I always lied, and still do, “It’s all in my head.” That always keeps the evil Editor at bay for a few hours and it gives me some time to dig up a few items to fill up half a page.

I heard a tragic one while I was back on the rez this past week. There was a religious service in one of the Cree communities a while back. One of the worshippers was being “filled by the holy spirit” and rolling around on the floor when another worshipper took a few steps back and stepped on his family jewels. Let’s us all bow our heads now and pray it wasn’t a case of: The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away.

Speaking of our Lord and Saviour, a UFO was doing “loop de loops” over Jerusalem’s rush hour traffic in the Holy Land. Israel to the heathens among us. Armageddon approacheth! Repent!

News from a town which shall remain anonymous: The word is that the CSB office is moving regardless of the students’ protest.

They were up and ready to commence construction of the sawmill in Waswanipi last week. But someone had very conveniently misplaced the keys for all the heavy equipment. Mr. Kitchen is brutally interrogating all suspects, starting with the talleymen. Whoever is responsible for the scare please contact the chief and council immediately and write to us. We’ll put somebody on it. So to speak.

Watch this space for news.The latest Cree student hang-out is Reggies at Concordia University, downtown. If we are to believe our CSB operatives.

Alec: If you’re reading this, please order an espresso machine for the restaurant ASAP!! Believe me, you won’t regret it.

Many of you have heard they will rename LG-2 in honour of its “father.” Dam Robert Bourassa.

Urgent memo to Cree Tourist boards: It would do your tourist bureaus good if you promote all the sites where they usually see UFO’s. We’re sure to tap into the X-Files craze. Thank you.

That’s all I’ve been able to come up with faithful readers. C’est la vie.