Hold on. Get the door. This is very sensitive.

There is so much to tell and so little a space to fit it all in. Finally, we have caught some attention and almost received a fax regarding our campaign. An electronic missive regarding Campaign ’96 and promises I failed to make. Excuse me, promises we failed to make. Already we have earned what is known in politics as an “enemy.” Or more specifically, “enemies.”

Our lust for power continues unabated.

Science is only now just discovering that there is life elsewhere in this great and wondrous existence of ours. Doesn’t that remind you of what they thought before they bumped into what they eventually called America? America. Now that was a scientific discovery in its day Its effects are still being felt 500-plus years later. They limit their imaginations too much and explain their scientific discoveries with about as much confidence as a politician who’s facing reelection or answering to his or her inevitable misdeeds. People ask the questions of Creation or Evolution and don’t remember that beginnings are created and that we have more important things to worry about. There are questions, we hope, more interesting than the planet Mars.

I apologize for being compelled to tell you, the reader gentle, this most loathsome tale.
No! It is not about Campaign ’96. I’ll have you know I “logged on,” as they say, to the Internet and typed in “Neil Diamond.” A bright red, white and blue banner with the words CAMPAIGN ’96 appeared on the screen, along with a message: “432,876 documents found.” Check it out It’s under the Excite search engine. The World Wide Web.

That loathsome tale I was going to tell before I was so rudely interrupted goes something like this: A dentist was alighting from a plane in one of those Cree towns that begins with the letter W. The dentist, as the plane prepares to leave on its run, is waiting for his ride into the “Rez”. A passenger says over the plane’s roar, “Your ride isn’t going to show up cause people don’t like dentists.” The dentist asks, “Don’t you ever have to go to the dentist?” The other replies, “When I get a toothache I sleep with my neighbour’s wife.” I guess everybody laughed.

Canadians sure caught a case of American Jingoismitis these past few weeks didn’t they? You saw the images and heard the reactions. Hell, even I, still a second-class Canadian citizen, almost cheered aloud when Bailey crossed that white line and won gold for his beloved country. I watched him live. Or as live as you can get, on TV. They cheered, aloud, in Jamaica.

Did you see the Olympic closing ceremonies on TV? An official of the games, whatever his name is, was thanking the people who helped make the games possible. When he finally got around to thanking U.S. Vice-President Al Gore the camera fixed itself on the VP who looked as if he wasn’t even listening and was applauding himself. Tipper, the VP’s lover and wife, turned to Al and I swear I could read her lips saying, “Don’t clap.” The network didn’t want to embarrass the couple further so they cut away.

A message from E.S.C.: Look-up, look waaaay up (and don’t even think of calling Rusty), for the Great Creator is about to give us one heck of a shower, a meteor shower that is. This wondrous sky-show is the Mother-of-all meteor showers, the biggest, grandest, one of them all. It is called Perseids which occurs every year around Aug. 9-13. However, this one will be around for about a month as it has one long beaver tail. The thing to do, lie on your back on a lawn chair, equip yourself with mosquito repellent and look to the Northeast. Oh, and crack open a cold one. After midnight, The Universe will let it all hang down. Stay tuned for future showers, if this one doesn’t give you a good cleaning.