The recent re-election of George W. Bush in the Divided States of Amerika (DSA) reminded me that we, the divided Cree Nation, also have an election for Grand Chief coming up very, very soon. It might not be for the most powerful office in the world but I hear there are amazing benefits and young, chubby female interns galore included in the deal.

Many Cree voters remember what happened in their last election. For some reason there were only two candidates, Dr. (chortle) Ted Moses and R.N. Matthew Mukash. It was amazing. Only two candidates in the running, after several elections in which every Tom, Billy and Harry, myself included, dared put their names on the ballot. Sure, we had no Ralph Naders the last time around. Cowards. I have a feeling it will be the same next fall. That is unless the unemployed and humbled former National Chief Matthew Coon Come decides to settle for a demotion and attempt to knock Dr. (chuckle) Moses off his pedestal.

The 2001 Grand Chief election was so close, a mere 28 votes, that Moses was forced to compare his extremely narrow victory to that of George W. Bush’s highly disputed results. Bad idea. Dr. (mmmphhh) Moses wisely did not bring up the fact that Dubya’s presidency came about as a result of voting irregularities, disenfranchised African American voters and a Supreme Court ruling brought down by daddy’s friends in said court. Not to mention Bush’s brother Jebediah being Governor of the state’s contested results in question: Florida.

The comparisons to the 2000 election in the States were eerie if not frightening. First there was the case of the 30-some voters from Chisasibi who didn’t get to vote because they weren’t given time off work. Then there was the 500-plus JBNQA beneficiaries of the Mocreebec Tribe who didn’t even have a ballot box. Finally, there was the incompetent Returning Officer in Waskaganish who was locked out of his home and couldn’t retrieve the ballots in time for a few more voters.

That is more than 500 pissed off members of the Cree electorate who I am sure will go out of their way to make sure their votes are counted this coming fall.

Methinks it’s about time the Cree Nation had outside observers monitoring their elections. Maybe a few representatives from that model of democracy, Afghanistan. Or maybe even Iraq if their citizenry can find the time off their busy insurgency schedules. God knows we can’t trust the Americans or even our own people to guarantee and protect our democratic rights.

Bush has another four years in office and it’s clear one of his mandates is to outsource his brand of “democracy” to the rest of the world. We’ve all seen what can happen if people don’t appreciate his kind, Christian gestures. Heed my message Eeyouistan or face the consequences.

All that said, in the spirit of true democracy, I hereby nominate Dr. Ted Moses and (Soon to be Dr.) Matthew Mukash for the next battle for Grand Chief. Mano a mano. A no-holds-barred fight for the soul of the Cree Nation. Two differing ideologies to make it interesting. A democratic war fought fair and square that will serve as a model to our friends to the south and wherever else their bombs land next.

Just a thought for my fellow voters to ponder in the months ahead.