A.fter all the controversy surrounding recently acquitted O.J. Simpson he wants peace and quiet. When asked why he chose O.J. as the place to go he replied, “Hey, they named the town after me so the least I can do is move there.”
Residents shouldn’t expect to see O.J. on the streets tomorrow as he still doesn’t know how to get there. Indeed he is busy learning French so “I’ll fit in, moy Amigo,” he told the Nation Enquirer in between outbursts of telling how innocent he was. “I didn’t do it. If I was going to knife anyone it would have been Kato, that tratorious beast,” foamed an upset “Juice.”
“You should see my phone bills. The radio stations won’t even accept my collect calls anymore,” added a sadder, much calmer former football star.
Asked about his past, the sunshine boy wonder promised, “You can be assured that I won’t be hitting any women up there. I hear the cold plays hell with arthritis.”
The sometime Naked Gun star says that he is willing to give the local constables tips he picked up while filming and during low-speed chases. “I believe in being a supportive member of the community but I hope noboby owns a white Bronco,” he joked.