In a shocking coming-out-of-the-closet of sorts, Nation Editor Will Nicholls announced that the reason for his hairy back is he’s half-Sasquatch!
In an exclusive interview with Nicholls, the Nation Enquirer learned that his birth father was a Sasquatch and that his real last name was something other than Nicholls, but could not be pronounced or written in the English or Cree languages.
“I am what I am,” Nicholls quipped. “At least I’m not half-Mohawk!”
Many people wondered about Nicholls and his lineage when, after a recent Nation editorial meeting, he was seen chasing after wolves in an adjacent field.
This was not the first time, according to one man.
“I had seen Will chasing after many things before, wolves, bears and Inuits included,” said Steve Bonspiel, an already outed, half-Sasquatch, half-Mohawk reporter at the Nation magazine.
“I figured that I’d tell the people the truth once and for all,” said a beaming Nicholls. “I don’t like to hide things and I was always honest and up front, except when it came to my heritage.”
Many wonder whether Mathew Mukash, a suspected alien, will follow suit and stop hiding his true creed from the Cree people.
Mukash alluded to it last week when he was caught off-guard in an interview with CBC North: “I will be running in your election this summer for otherworldly being….uh, I mean Grand Chief of the Crees.”
Nicholls said it was hard growing up knowing he was different. It was only when he saw the other kids bringing peanut butter sandwiches to school, not squirrels or groundhogs, that he realized he would never lead a normal life.
One classmate, who wished not to be identified, confirmed some of the early behaviour. “He even smelled different,” said the source. “One day he came into school without clothes and no one really said anything. It was only once he started grooming himself in class that the teacher sent him to the principal’s office.”
Political experts believe that Nicholls’ shocking announcement could bolster his chances at getting elected as Grand Chief.
“I think he’s got a good chance to get in if he runs,” said a Cree political expert. “I’m not too sure that there is anything in the election code that says his fellow Sasquatch cannot be part of the voting process as well. If that’s the case, who else would they vote for?” said the political advisor who alluded to similar changes made last year that allows other beings besides the human kind to run for Grand Chief.
“Either way, we should support people who put themselves out there like this, but make sure it’s important that we remember not to feed them after midnight,” he said.