Sometimes I come up short for ideas and I call the great Will Nicholls for advice and he usually gives me some sort of theme to deal with. If he isn’t in a good mood, he’ll call me and ask “Where’s my Rez notes? I keep reminding you to send it in early so we can prepare everything, send it by e-mail, we prefer it that way, so we don’t have to type everything in at the last moment.” “Sure, sure….it’s almost done. Don’t worry, be cool.” I reassure him. In reality there’s still two hours left before deadline, plenty of time.
Later on the phone rings and it’s Will again and this time I can tell he’s just on the fringe of beating someone with the phone handset. “The Notes were supposed to be here an hour ago. What’s happening man…don’t do this to me.” I reassure him and I rush home, thinking in concise format exactly what to write and while busily firing up my computer, I run it through my mind. The word processor takes forever to load and I still have twenty-five minutes. No problemo.
After my keyboard has cooled down and everything printed out, I rush out to find the nearest fax machine. E-mail? Never heard of it.
“Hurry, I only have five minutes!” I pressured the harried receptionist as she punches in the fax number. “This is important stuff and it has to go. If it doesn’t make it in time the entire literary world will crumble.” Two weeks later, I do the same thing over again. After all, it’s not like doing the same thing everyday. A full hour of work per month, no sweat, except perhaps for poor Will. Thank God he’s 1800 kilometres away and he can’t get at me for revenge. This issue, he asked me to write about Christmas and somehow combine the Agreement in Principle, so I composed an ode to the A.I.P. hummed to the tune of “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” as performed by Alvin the Chipmunk. So, everyone, join in and sing this new Christmas carol.
All I want for Christmas is my A.I.P., my A.I.P., oh my A.I.P.,
All I want for Christmas is my A.I.P., so 1 can wish you a Merry Christmas…
All I need for Christmas is a referendum, a referendum, oh a referendum All I need for Christmas is a referendum, so I can collect a 3 point fiver…
All we need for Christmas is five thousand houses, five thousand houses, oh five thousand houses,
All we need for Christmas is five thousand houses, so we can live happily ever after. All Hydro needs to do is change their language policy, change their language policy Oh? Change their language policy,
All Hydro needs to do is change their language policy, Oh? So we can work in our own back yard.
All we have to do is plan for our own future, our own future, oh our own future… All we have to do is plan for our own future, so we can all retire comfortably,
All we have to do is leave it to our children, leave it to our children, oh, leave it to our children,
All we have to do is leave it to our children, oh… so they can have a future too…
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!