Aaaaaa. Shpring. The time when a young Cree’s fancy turns south to the approaching flock. Hopefully, flocks.

There have always been stories, since most people still living now can remember, of the continually dwindling waves of birds come spring. My parents, and probably yours too, remember a time when birds, geese, wavies filled the skies. When a rising flock, startled by a passing canoe, could block out the sun’s rays and their cries could send young children cowering into their mother’s arms.

Those days are gone and there’s not a damn thing we can do about. Forgive the cynicism.

So what do you do? You’ve been sitting in your blind all day and you haven’t seen anything flying except for crows, eagles and those strange water beetles who dive into ponds and disappear forever. What do you do to pass the time? Before you get angry and leave the blind cursing your luck here’s a few things to do while waiting for the geese to show up.

-Bring lots of “tobacco.” d:)
-Dig around in your hunting buddy’s lunch bag while he’s napping and eat all his snacks.
-Send your buddy Jim to take a crap in the bush cause they always seem to come when he’s away from the blind.
-Paint your buddy’s face with charcoal from the lunch fire while he’s sleeping and let him walk around like that for the rest of the day. Good for laughs the whole day.
-Take your buddy’s shotgun apart.
-Call geese even when they’re not flying just to watch the guy sleeping leap up and take aim in one move.
-For the hunters who use artificial goose calls, stuff feathers in his call and watch the feathers fly.
-Pour out his thermos full of coffee and exchange with swamp water and add milk and sugar liberally.
-Take a feather and tickle his nostrils and laugh at his funny expression.
-If you happen to have some tape with you place it on the shades he’s wearing.
-Unload his gun, leaving one shell in and watch him go for his next shot. Laugh in his face.
-Wait for your friend to bend over to pick something up. When he does, tear a piece of canvas just as he’s bending over so it sounds like his pants are ripping and sit back and enjoy the laughter. Be sure to tear the canvas with a long rriiiip.
-Take his blind apart and leave him exposed if he’s a heavy sleeper.
-Fill your buddy’s packsack with rocks for the walk home. Wait for his reaction, “Oooowah!” when he discovers why his pack is so heavy.
-While he’s roasting his hotdog wiener distract him by pointing out that giant squirrel, grab the wiener and take a bite before he turns around. This has happened to Roger courtesy of his big brother, the great hunter Sonny Orr.
-Make up your own hunting songs. Here’s an example from Chisasibi hunter Jim, sung to the tune of Bill Hailey’s “Rock Around the Clock”:
One flock two flocks three flocks Four
Five flocks six flocks maybe more
We’re gonna blast, blast, blastajaz
We’re gonna blast, blast, blast, gonna blastajaz
Gonna blast, gonna blast, gonna blast ’em all day long
It’s one of those great sing-a-longs that you never tire of.
Here’s another, sung to the tune of The Troggs’ “Wild Thing”:
Swamp thing
you make my guns sing
(repeat ad nauseum)
-Create your own song using the hits of the day for inspiration. Send in your creations. Who knows, they might become classics just like Flock Around the Clock and Swamp Thing.
These and others you may think of can get tiresome so if you really want to thrill your hunting friends, charter a plane to the pond and parachute right into your blind dressed to kill in full camouflage gear and turn the whole day’s hunt into a military operation, why don’t you.