Looking outside one morning early January, I couldn’t see much. Some mysterious ultra-thick cloud saturated with tiny see-through snowflakes, commonly called snow fog, had dropped a blanket over the land that would blind us for days.

Wow, snow fog. What next? Ice tornados that will be eventually coined “upside down ice cream cones”?

It seems that even the impossible is no longer implausible when it comes to this year’s weird weather patterns. Who would have thought that the temperature would get so nipply in California, eh? How about those poor (but economically rich, I must add) townships having to weather the burden of 100-plus centimetres of the good old white stuff, then the same amount in liquid format.

Enough ranting about the obvious truth: the weather can mess things up.

Think about it: flustered airline ticket agents, dangerous road conditions, cancelled school openings. I’m telling you right now, the start of a new world of delays and headaches for the airline industry is forecasted.

Increased ground travel and huge anti-fog headlights will become standard issue for the north. Small early warning radar systems will have to be installed in vehicles north of Matagami to avoid hitting caribou by the hundreds, thereby not only wiping out small herds but lessening any chance of getting insurance for our vehicles.

Let me finetune that forecasting antenna. At the local level, text messaging will be the only way people will talk with each other during hockey season’s final games, just to keep minimalistic communication channels open for rival fans or else all hell will break loose at a local tournament brawl in the stands. Wait, it’s getting foggy again…. (more static).

The summer softball tournament will be won by a small community by default due to a surprise drug testing conducted by local officials just to legitimize the sport and cut out that crap (whatever is consumed, whichever way) from the game for the remaining season… (radio static hisses in the background).

Someone paddles upriver on the Rupert just to make a point that hey, we don’t always have to go with the flow. The first gay marriage between a man and a woman will occur (both being gay of course). The first sewing contest will heat up when a pair of moccasins will be created in under three minutes at a week-long tournament by an 80-year-old man.

Curling will become fashionable again for men with brooms and beer mugs. For the curlers a new helmet will be invented, with beer can holders and tubes attached (wait a minute…).

Nemaska will actually be recognized as the centre of the Cree universe when the Grand Chief declares that a mansion will be created out of trees harvested from EM-1 and call it the white waskagan.

A talented Cree couple will be banned from the international square dance finals when it is learned that they always drink a mixture of Labrador tea and green tea just before the competition. The Deputy Grand Chief will start a new dance sensation to a fiddled version of “I Shot the Sheriff.”

Eastmain will create a new fastball pitch called the dry run, slowing the ball down so much that the batter will just swing anyways and pop it every time into the pitcher’s glove.

A sasquatch will appear in Umujiak demanding gasoline for its stolen generator and television satellite receiver. Chisasibi will relocate again, this time to Loon Islands… Oops, lost my connection.