For the record and just so I don’t get asked years from now where I was when I heard about the death of Princess Diana, I’ll have you know I was at Roger’s Four In One eatery in Nemaska covering the Fitness Challenge. Read all about it on pages 12 through 16.

Sadly, that might be this generation’s “Where Were You When?” question. Not as heavy as the Kennedy assassination but we’ll take whatever we can get.

I don’t know about the rest of you but I caught a whiff of a conspiracy as soon as I got more details. I bet the “Bitch Queen” had her off’ed. She hated Diana and is probably celebrating as we speak. Those people are evil. They have the blood of millions on their hands and built their now-gone empire killing and stealing from us. So they wouldn’t bat a royal eyelash if they were to turn on their own. Especially one who stole the spotlight and dared to act human.

There are other theories flying around. There’s the one which has the designers of her many outfits having her whacked so the value of their creations would skyrocket.

Then there’s the Muslim connection. It says that the British Secret Service, MI-5, wanted Dodi out of the way. If he were to have sired a child with Diana that would have given the future King of England a Muslim half-brother. Lord forbid!

Howard Stern holds the theory that it was, of course, the Jews, who feared a Muslim-connected monarchy.

Another theory says that she faked her own death because she hated the glare of constant scrutiny. Just like Elvis, Jim Morrison, Jesus and Marilyn.

There are a host of other possible murderers. The IRA, Aliens, Camilla Parker-Bowles, a drunk limousine driver, the French because they’re still pissed off about events that occured hundreds of years ago, Fleet Street so they can sell more papers, Hydro-Quebec, so the Cree would be distracted from Great Whale. The Pope still pissed off at Henry VIII.

The SQ probably suspect the Mohawks. The Mohawks, the SQ. Montreal blames Toronto and vice versa. If they’re still around, the Hatfields probably blame the McCoys.

Erland Campbell was philosophical about the tragedy. He says if Charles hadn’t picked her to produce his heirs, Diana would still be with us.

“I’m devastated by it. I’m going to have my little moment for sure,” says the as-yet-hitless wonder.

The awful truth might just be that it was her driver losing control of the speeding vehicle trying to get away from the photographers trying for images of people we want to see. A film maker who did a story on the paparazzi said it is us who are to blame the death. We are the ones who buy the papers, magazine and books these photographs appear in.

We always find it easier to blame the photographers.