It was through earnest prayer that we made it to Nemaska two weeks ago. There we were at the airport at seven in the morning still not sure if we were going to get on the plane at all. As usual we were on standby. My traveling companion uttered the word “ulcers” more than once. Was the Land with us? The Great Spirit smiled upon us and we didn’t have to resort to Plan B which required that we post ourselves at Dorval airport’s main entrances to intercept already confirmed passengers and lie that their flights had been canceled or postponed. This carries a mere misdemeanor charge under Cree law so we weren’t too worried.
At 7:15 they said we would be able to make it only as far as Val d’Or. Sin City. We were whisked through security and boarded the plane and took off. We landed in Val d’Or without incident and ordered breakfast. All this time wondering if we would get a seat. Minutes later we boarded the plane for Nemaska and took our seats. A man from Chisasibi hovered at the front of the plane and said smiling, “Someone has to get off.” “Whuh?” I thought and spun around in my seat. There was one empty seat at the back of the plane.
The Land was with us. We touched down. We secured lodging, a meal and proceeded to do Nemaska. We took in the scenery and tried to blend in with the locals.
A scheduled meeting with some powerful people was the primary reason for our trip so we headed to the always roomy GCCQ headquarters where the James Bay Cree Communi… whew… cations Society chose, after seven years, a new president. In a dramatic display of democracy in Nemaska Thomas Jolly captured six votes, winning by just a hair. Diane Reid, the defeated candidate, is the lady in the film Power, viciously stealing scenes. Why it took soooooo long to choose a new president was not discussed. Maybe it’s because they’re the JBCCS and you’re not.
Speaking of elections. A friend of a friend of a friend of one of my brother’s friends has a theory that may explain my humiliating loss in the race for Grand Chief. This “friend” had the privilege of being appointed Returning Officer several times in his community and noticed something unusual when the elderly who couldn’t read came to vote. They would on many occasions ask the translator present, “Who’s at the top of the list?” and make their X on that candidate’s box. Or the translator would begin to read out the names but the voter would cut him off after the first name was read out and vote for that one. Keep that in mind, future candidates. Change your last name so that it begins with an A or even better, two A’s. Or here’s an even better idea. Change your name to Billy Aaaaaaaa.
AN ANONYMOUS READER WRITES: “I have a suggestion for you. Here goes: Like a contest, I guess… Ask readers to send pictures of themselves with movie stars, singers, celebrities, etc. Political figures do not count, (i.e. Matthew Coon Come and Robert Kennedy Jr., Billy Diamond and Robert Bourassa, Ted Moses and the Pope, etc…) Just a suggestion.” Now why didn’t we think of that? Your wishes are our commands, dear readers. Send in photos of yourselves with famous or better yet, infamous people doing whatever. Please, do not send pornography. Thanks for even considering it, though. Before the sponsor changes his mind, a prize is being offered. The prize? It will be entirely up to you. Your wish is our command. Within reason and finances of course.
Speaking of famous people. Dolph Lundgren, better known as Ivan Drago in one of the many Rocky movies, is in town working on a movie. Someone called up The Nation’s resident Kung Fu expert and News Editor Alex Roslin and offered him a chance to appear as a stuntperson. Roslin’s part would have called for him to swing from the top of an elevator and kick his Dolphness in the chest. Or so he claims. He kept mum, however, on what happened later that night with Grace Jones on the casting couch.
A KOREAN FILM crew is roaming around in the territory working on yet another documentary on us. Get ready for your closeups.
We have reached another milestone here at The Nation™. The issue in your hand has 44, count ’em, pages!!!
