Well, our Rez Notes author is somewhere out in Whapmagoustui, we think. Search parties have been sent out and we’ll capture him one way or another for the next issue. In the meantime here is some stuff we stole. We would mention what newspaper we stole it from but we actually don’t know. We’ll credit them, whenever. Whatever.
This is from a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” from the TV show Saturday Night Live…
WINNER
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be, until the looting started.
RUNNERS UP
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the prime minister’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
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Home is where the house is.
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Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
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As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each
day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up.
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Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot and a great big bag of money.
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For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
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I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Hallowe’en.
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The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe, “Don’t you think it is about time you audited my return?” or, “Isn’t is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?”
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Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it’s not like he really needed them, right?
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I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
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I often wonder how come William Shatner (a.k.a. Captain Kirk) isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it’s because he sucks.
