I got a call from Neil Diamond and he told me that many faithful readers and fans have come to the conclusion that he has been writing the Reznotes since time immemorial. Neil Diamond has been taking the last 9 months off, dear fans (and hate e-mailers) and this has Neil Diamond in a tizzy.

“’splain to them, man. Tell them who you are. Tell the masses the truth about who is actually writing Reznotes, ‘cause people still think it’s me. I really think you deserve all the attention and credit, at least for the time since you replaced me last summer,” begged Neil Diamond. “I tell them it’s you but they still won’t believe me and it’s kinda bugging me knowing that no-one has figured it out yet.”

“All right,” I said reluctantly. You see, I like the anonymity of writing under a pen name and most famous writers do this, even Neil Diamond. Look at Aislin (really Terry Mosher and he does political cartoons) and Danielle Steele or Ed Anger. Do you think that they cash their cheques under their pen name just to draw attention to themselves? It’s the way of the pen, not the sword. So, I figured that I would point out to our dear readers the fine differences between Neil Diamond and Myself, the one and only.

Neil Diamond vs. The one and only.

Neil Diamond:

Can be suave and debonair

Is slim and trim

Is in his late thirties

Can comb his hair and part it

Young women want him until they find out he’s in his late thirties

Makes movies

Listens to good music

Believes Elvis is dead

Too young to remember Vietnam

Comes from Lower James Bay

Drinks Molson Ex

Gets comments like “ooh, are you the famous singer?” (nope)

Takes good photographs which are displayed all over the place.

Calls the one and only for help when he needs it

Couldn’t care less for politics

At bars is told that women want him

Criticizes restaurants

The One and Only:

Saves cans for the dépanneur

Is big and husky

Is in his early forties

Hair is permanently parted

Mature women want him when they find out he’s only in his early forties

Stars in movies

Writes music and lyrics that no-one understands

Knows Elvis is alive and living in Eastmain

Danced with Hanoi Jane

Comes from Upper James Bay

Ex-Molson drinker

Gets comments like “Are you related to Bobby Orr?” (yep)

Takes really good photographs which are stolen by art thieves

Helps Neil Diamond when he needs it

Politicians couldn’t care less for him

Is told to pass the message to Neil Diamond that all the women want him.

Could cook for a restaurant if he wanted to

So how in the world could anyone mistake Neil Diamond for the One and Only? Is it because we share the same passions for writing, photography, wine and women? Is it because we are not afraid to bare ourselves in front of hypocritical critics and dare to write Reznotes? You tell us.