Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Okay. You’re okay.

Don’t worry about a thing. Okay? You’re fine.

So strut your stuff. Okay? As for your love life…it’s a big, swollen boil on your butt!Saturn is in the house of Pluto, whose aunt is Uranus. So this might help.So keep your fingers dry.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) Okay. You’re not okay! Okay. Oh nononononononono! You’re just a drag.A big, long, deep drag. That is not okay. You’re just a roller coaster ride at full speed.Out of control and out of this world. How bizarre. It is not comfortable at all.

Aries (March 21 -April 19) Right on. Guilt is your middle name. Let’s face it you are guilt.One big bag of guilt spewing puke. You are ripping people apart with this wonderful gift of yours.It is a gift that should not be exploited. Get back to your senses and drop the guilt trips youlove so much.

Taurus (April 20-May 19) Mouth watering, smooth tasting, rich piece of chocolate you are thismonth. We just want to eat you up! Gotta have it. This is the word around you. Life is a box ofchocolates, you’ll never know what you’re gonna get. Take the best for yourself before it’s toolate.

Gemini (May 20-June 21) Santa expects you to be naughty, not nice during the holidays.Schedule a soothing massage with a cute snow

bunny! No one knows what is gonna hit whenever you are around. What ever it is, it is good. This must be just like living in paradise. What a blast you are!

Cancer (June 22-July 22) You are a snowflake, blowing in the wind. The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. No snowflakes are alike. There is no one quite like you. You just might land on the sweetest tongue you have ever known. Keep drifting down to earth, my dear snowflake.

Leo (July 23-Aug 23) You’re down right insensitive. Say sorry with brownies. You will need them. What happened? You’re off. You’re way off the line. It’s good for nothing. Where the hell did you go? Here you go! Take that ashtray full of cigarettes that you are, and flush it down the bowl!

Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 22) Something happens and you’re head over heels. Your sex appeal is sky high. God, it’s so obvious. That certain people are drawn to you like crazy glue. You are the ultimate magnet. Everyone is stuck on you

babe. But don’t get stuck on yourself because of all this.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) Ex-lovers keep coming back to you. Your black book is thicker than the Holy Bible honey. What’s happinn’? Give it up. Way up in the clouds. You’re artistic Venus side makes your gift wrapping so creative. Just don’t get tied up in knots when alone, wait for company.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) You are the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Filled with every treasure imaginable, which is appropriate because you are an imaginative beast, with nice definitions and contours that fit like a glove. A tight latex glove. Hopefully with some lubricant.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 22) When sending out those gifts, make sure to hotly lick the stamp with zeal! Your laugh just kills everyone. Stop making those annoying noises. Bodily functions should be taken care of in private. Stay away from smooth talkers. If they laugh don’t kill ’em, your breath will!

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 19) We got a really sappy one for you this month, since we are in a goodmood. All we are saying is keep your best interests at heart. Start thinking about yourself.Take care, we love ya. The world loves ya and all the rest of that kind of crap.By the way, relax. Stay cool!