by Conrad Black & Co.

The National Post (Vol. 1, No. 1 )

The National Post Company Don Mills, Ontario

There’s been a lot of talk about Canada’s new “truly national newspaper,” brought to us by Conrad Black and friends.

Was the newspaper going to be full of nutty right-wing propaganda? And what was it going to be called?

Some suggested The Daily Tubby. According to reliable reports, Mr Black was interested in the name The Nation. Alas, it was already taken. There ain’t room for three of us, pal.

Then one day, I’m in the grocery store and there it was. The first issue of The National Post. A well-dressed man in Mel’s Diner downstairs was very impressed I had a copy since they had been snatched up so quickly. He was almost drooling all over my prized collector’s edition, so I graciously offered it to him for 10 bucks. He declined.

On the front cover: U.S. astronaut John Glenn giving the thumbs up, while a headline reads, “At 77, Glenn shows the white stuff.” Ha. Funny. I looked back at John Glenn’s face (how white it now seemed) and an image of him in KKK robes came to my mind for some reason. Right beside this, another headline caught my eye: “ANC accused of torture, rights violations.” White good, black bad. Hmm…

The top story is about how the forces of the Right need to unite to mash the Liberals into the ground with their jackboots. Inside, we find a “news” article ripping apart author Stevie Cameron, who has uncovered the scandals of disgraced Conservative PM Brian Mulroney and his scary friends.

Finally, we have two ridiculously right-wing opinion pieces supporting Chile’s brutalCIA-backed ex-dictator, Augusto Pinochet. One of them virtually calls the murderingPinochet a hero and says Canada should go out and, get this, instead arrest CubanPresident Fidel Castro. What with, buddy? Our soldiers are too busy raping each otheror drinking their own vomit. I have a better idea. Let’s just arrest Conrad Black forbad journalism.